


Behind the Screen

by Campanella_Mie



Category: Virtual Streamer Animated Characters, virtual youtuber, vtuber
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-14 19:28:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29176452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Campanella_Mie/pseuds/Campanella_Mie
Summary: Behind the cute animated characters and clipped moments plastered all over the internet, the VTubers we all know and love are first and foremost, people. People with real emotions, real ideas, and real problems. Delving deeper into the backside of content creation, this story is an original tale woven using themes of the 'real and virtual'.This story takes place in a universe based in real-life, but with an original cast of characters due to the nature of the story.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	1. ACT 0: Prologue

_ ‘In light of recent developments regarding the epidemic-’ _

Zzt.   
  


_ ‘The former prime minister has since spoken up concerning embezzlement-’ _

Zzt.

_ ‘Have you heard?’ _

_ ‘Ehh? What is it, what is it?’ _

_ ‘This new viral sensation making waves on Youtube! Despite being uploaded only yesterday, Mikura-san’s original song,  _ “Daydreamers”,  _ had already reached more than five hundred thousand views!’ _

_ ‘Mikura…?’ _

_ ‘You know, that…’ _

**‘Virtual Youtuber’.**

Zzap.

Nothing worthwhile on TV, as always. I don’t understand why I still have this gigantic hunk of electronic waste taking up space in my living room. I should’ve sold it a while ago for a second monitor, or a better webcam. Then again… I did buy it with my first ever paycheck. With the TV turned off, the cold loneliness of 4 AM was more heartfelt than earlier. It was silent, eerily so. Most people were still asleep, still waiting for their day to start, but mine had to start this early. With a long exhale, I put-No,  _ slammed _ the can of leftover beer down on my living room table. 

“Damn that Mikura!”

I yelled out to no-one particular, merely vocalizing my internal strife and anguish, the drunken anger I felt towards a news segment of all things. Why did I feel such anger at the success of this sweet young girl with an angelic voice? Well, that’s pretty simple.

I am a Virtual Youtuber.

\---

After a bit, the intense, burning anger I had earlier had all but fizzled away, washed down by the cold can of beer. All that remained was the dull, aching dread associated with the monotonous day-to-day life of a white collar worker. As I sat there, alone in my cramped apartment that I shared with no-one, a brief thought passed through my head. One that had lately been inseparable from me, constantly permeating and returning into the back of my mind no matter how many times I try to cast it away.

“What the hell am I doing with my life?”

I cast my gaze towards the dark ceiling of my living space. With the lights off, even the most inviting, cheerful decor was barely visible. Rather than that bright, pastel yellow I had painted my ceilings in, it was a dark, garbled mess of black and grey, a monotone world that lacked color. Yet, I found solace in this monotone world. It felt strangely comforting, as though this darkness enveloped me fully, giving me an avenue to turn my eyes from more uncomfortable things in the world. Giving me an escape, perhaps, to a world that resonated with the current state of my heart.

As I pondered over my earlier thoughts, organizing the drunken whirlwind of self-doubt that filled my head, a loud buzz pierced through the room, putting an end to the brief silence that allowed for self-reflection. The self-doubt would soon be replaced by anxiety, as I walked over to the source of that loud buzz- My smartphone. As I dragged my legs closer to my work desk, my shoulders slumping from my abject lack of motivation, once again unpleasant thoughts clouded over my head.

There were various things I was worried about. For one, who on earth would be messaging me this early in the morning? If the message came at a time like this, surely it must be incredibly important, right? What if it was work-related? What if my producer had finally… No, I mustn’t dwell on those thoughts for too long. With a gulp, I reached for my smartphone, flicking it open after authenticating it with its facial recognition technology.

Quickly, quickly. Find the notification.

A brief silence followed.

Silence, that turned soon into warmth. Warmth that was enough to melt the cold, frigid darkness of my apartment. Warmth that felt much more permanent, much more filling than the temporary warmth of alcohol. All those negative, self-doubting thoughts from earlier, all that anxiety over uncertainty, dashed within seconds, instead replaced with a feeling of comfort and ease. I found myself unable to contain my voice, as I audibly cooed before clutching my phone with both hands, bringing the device close to my chest. I wanted to be angry at myself for being so simple, for being so easily manipulated and tricked into releasing these addictive endorphins that bring me happiness. But I couldn’t.

I couldn’t fight against what made me happy, no matter how much it hurt me.

I couldn’t fight against what gave me purpose, no matter how much it made me feel useless.

I hate this powerless, spineless me, yet…

I’d have been even more powerless without ‘it’.

_ ‘I listened to @starmahiru ‘s cover of  _ “Before the Night Falls”  _ earlier… I think I’m in love. I’m going to spend all day replaying it, lol’ _

140 characters. That was what my happiness was worth. Only 140 characters on the small screen of my smartphone was more than enough to send me over the moon. The kind words of a stranger I had never met, I’ll never meet, and I’ll never even know who they are or what they look like, was all I needed to reassure myself, to keep going strong another day, to keep doing what I’m currently doing.

I made a mental note to respond to that tweet soon as I walked over to turn the lights on, a small skip noticeable in my steps as I felt my legs were no longer dragging. My shoulders no longer slumped, finally standing up properly as I watched my room light up. The yellow ceiling, the pastel green wallpaper. The giant bean bag I received as a gift. The set of mugs adorned with our faces. The trusty, beastly rig I had spent countless hours with, all of them lit up in a flash, dashing away all traces of darkness.

All of a sudden, the world seemed bright and hopeful again. Quickly, I returned to my work desk, swivelling on my chair for a full rotation before pressing my toe to turn my computer on. As the system booted up, I took the time to reply to the earlier tweet, making sure to like the anonymous comment as well as quote retweeting it. My reply was short, a mere four words of ‘Thank you for watching’, as was in-character. 

Behind the screen, I was a nobody. An unremarkable, uninteresting social outcast with naught but a few light novels to her name, that she foolishly wrote during her school years. A college dropout with no ambitions or goals. 

Behind the screen, nobody would bat an eye if they passed me on the street. I didn’t have the stunning looks of a model, nor the savvy and confidence to dress fashionably. Just an average plain jane from the countryside, with dreams of making it big in Tokyo.

Reflected in that screen, was another ‘me’. A me that was successful. A me that was remarkable, interesting and adored. A me that had an audience. A me that was, above all else, beloved. This screen reflected a distorted, different version of myself, yet one that was still undoubtedly me. It was my voice. My movements. My personality. The only difference was in the way she looked, and the way she presented herself.

I am Hoshino Mahiru/Kudou Junko.

I am a Virtual Youtuber.

Thank you for watching/reading.


	2. ACT 1: Hoshino Mahiru

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> About Hoshino Mahiru, the Extrastellar Traveler V-Tuber.

Hoshino Mahiru

Debut date of August 28th, 20XX, approximately two years ago.

Signed to V-Tuber talent and management studio ‘V-AGE’, debuted as one of their original members. 

Content includes [I Sang] covers, original music videos, streams, highly edited skits as well as collaborations with other talents in V-AGE as well as other studios.

Generally well-liked for her melodic voice and rather charming kuudere personality that soon unravels when put in high-intensity situations in games and collaborations, and has managed to avoid drama with any side.

Respected within the studio as one of the most senior talent there, and is sometimes cited as an inspiration by her juniors and peers.

Twitter followers: 70,853 people.

Youtube subscribers: 120,953 people.

Last milestone achieved: 100k subscribers, reached six months ago.

\---

I remember the first time the V-Tuber crazed started to happen. It was at a time when I was lagging behind in my college work, after having enrolled in a major I wasn’t particularly fond of. A low time in my life, when all I did was slack off and play video games all day after returning from campus. No real friends beside the ones from back in the countryside, no real contacts or hobbies outside the house. I was one step away from being a total hermit. In fact, if I had the choice to take my classes online, I would have taken it the first chance I got. That way, I would never have the need to leave my apartment, and I could play games all day and all night.

By chance, I stumbled upon ‘her’ during one such lonely night. At the time, she was truly… Revolutionary. Pioneering both in concept and technology, it was no surprise she skyrocketed up the ranks of content creators and became an international sensation. It was such a simple idea, but she was the first one who made it happen. The concept of a two dimensional person, just like the ones idolized by otakus, but brought into the medium of Youtube, was so novel and new. Like a witch, she charmed all the otakus. Her bright personality and upbeat, bubbly content was infectious, and soon enough, even people outside that sphere were charmed too. Next thing I knew, she was everywhere. On the TV, on the billboards, on advertisements. It was like the second coming of that green-haired singer, and I was there to witness it. Of course, I was one of those bewitched.

During this time, many others followed in her footsteps, attempting to grab their own slice of popularity in the emerging V-Tuber boom. Various companies and individuals popped up utilizing the same simple concept of ‘Anime girl does Youtube things’, often accompanied by their gameplay. Some stood the test of time, and still remain a respected titan in the V-Tuber sphere even now, while others merely followed in the fad and disappeared in no time. As a girl bewitched by ‘her’, I decided to try my chance as well.

I decided to throw away the money I had been saving up for my next semester, using it to purchase a face and motion-tracking rig. The leftover money was spent on software that’d allow me to draw the ideal, ‘virtual’ me. Sure enough, I slaved away at that too. Countless hours of trial and error to learn how that software worked, until I finally ended up with something I could be happy with. I ended up having to skip classes and meals, all so I could follow in that small dream of being adored, of making it big, just like her.

Within the year, I managed to make my debut. The first time I uploaded a video under that persona, tweeting under that new handle, I was nervous. I was scared, anxious if my videos didn’t perform well. If I had just wasted countless hours and tens and thousands of yen into a dream that’d only end up in flames. That night, I clicked the ‘upload’ button on my channel, and forced myself to go to sleep. Otherwise, the anxiety would have ended up eating me alive and keeping me up all night.

The next morning, by pure chance and luck, I woke up to my video receiving near enough a thousand views, as well as dozens of encouraging comments and new subscribers. It was the first time I had ever felt such joy in my adult life. For the first time, it felt as though my efforts and hard work were finally rewarded, finally acknowledged. Such a small victory, barely even a hundred subscribers, yet it was more than enough to make me overjoyed. For the first time, I felt like I had found something I wanted to do. A path I wanted to walk on, a goal to reach, and a sense of purpose. 

It was the first ‘happiest day of my life’. A memory I’d cherish forever.

As time passed, I had managed to build up a small, yet dedicated audience for my content. I made friends with a lot of my fans, and for the first time, tasted the saccharine joy of being loved and adored, a feeling I thought I would never experience again, lost in Tokyo’s unforgiving concrete jungle. My viewership and subscriber count were stagnating, but I was fine with it. I barely made money, and still lost thousands of yen all things considered, but the happiness and joy-filled days made it all worth it.

Streaming was such joy! Singing was so fun!

Everything I did would be met with positive comments and adoration from my fans, and that was more than enough to keep me going. I thought these happy days would last forever.

That was when the second ‘happiest day of my life’ happened.

One innocuous morning, as I was looking through my Twitter DMs that were filled with encouraging messages, I stumbled upon one message from a user I hadn’t interacted with before. With a handle that simply read ‘@v_age’, and an empty profile, I thought it was just a scam or a prank. The message stated that they were a small talent agency, recruiting independent V-Tubers all over Japan to work under their name. It told me to check my emails for further details should I be interested. I felt overjoyed, ecstatic that my hard work was recognized by a  _ company  _ of all things. It meant that my hobby and passion was no longer a financial drain; I could make money off it. And, with the backing of a company and production studio, I could become even more famous and adored by my fans.

With dreams of fame and success in my mind, I quickly went through the process of signing with this company. I visited the Tokyo-based talent studio, met the producer and other associated staff, as well as the other girls scouted. These other girls were mostly around my age, college-aged students who had been working as independent content creators. While I didn’t recognize any of their looks, the moment they spoke, I could immediately think to myself, “Ah, you’re that channel!”. It made me almost jump in my seat in pleasant surprise to see that some of them recognized me as well.

At the time, it felt like we were some kind of newly formed idol group with dreams of taking on the world and making it big… Becoming stars in the Virtual World, just as ‘she’ did. 

“Let’s reach for the stars and beyond!” So I shouted out during the talent briefing., like a dumb, starry-eyed kid full of innocence and optimism. It didn’t seem like any of the other girls nor the producers disliked it, however. In fact, it became the basis for the other ‘me’ that would debut in due time. The extrastellar traveler addicted to Earth’s videogames, Hoshino Mahiru, was born on that day.

...That was a story from three years ago. 

The present day me would’ve scolded that dumb starry-eyed kid for being so damn optimistic. Some people said to never make your hobby your work. I probably would’ve done well to learn that quote before I jumped head-first into the world of full-time content production. 

Streaming was no longer that much fun. Singing no longer gave me the joy it once did. 

But I couldn’t quit, even if I wanted to. Before I knew it, before I realized it, my heart and mind had become captive to one thing. I had become an addict to one, small, simple thing.

“Ah!” A high-pitched yelp escaped my mouth, briefly throwing off my concentration from the high-intensity FPS I was playing. “ A 10,000 yen donation out of nowhere…! Ahem, I apologize for that uncharacteristic change of tone.” Followed quickly after by returning to my on-screen character, changing my voice and pitch masterfully from the high pitch of an excitable, expressive girl, to that of the low, monotone voice of the kuudere extraterrestrial my character was.

“‘Thank you for all the streams and memories from this past year, I will support you for as long as it takes. To the stars and beyond.’ ...So it is written. Thank you sooooooo much for the donation- Err, what I meant was, truly, I am honored to receive such a blessing. To the stars and beyond, my fellow traveler.” 

The message that came with the donation was about as generic as it could be, yet I still had to work hard to not let my genuine joy and happiness show through fully, for it is in my character to remain cold and emotionless for as much as possible. 

Such was the running gag and personality hook of Hoshino Mahiru, a calm, composed character who shows brief flashes of an easily-flustered, innocent girl hiding beneath that emotionless veneer. Hoshino Mahiru and I are one and the same, merely existing on opposite sides of the computer screen. Her personality is nothing more than an exaggeration, a caricature of my own inability to properly express myself. 

The joy she shows when she receives a donation, or gets praised for her singing. The drunken rambles she goes on about how much she loves all of her viewers and how much they mean to her. All the times she cried on stream due to the support she’s been getting from her fans, are all genuine. The joys she felt and tears she shed were the same joys I felt, the same tears I felt. Not a mask, not a persona. A mirror that reflected another ‘me’.

I became addicted to that sweetness that being loved brings.

That is why I couldn’t quit, no matter what. 

\---

“That’s another stream done… Fwah.”    
  
I kicked myself away from my work desk, stretching out my tired arms and legs after having stayed in the same place for the last 3 and a half hours. This swiveling gaming chair covered all over with soft fluffy fur was definitely the best purchase I made in the last year or so. One habit I liked to do after every stream was spinning around on my chair for a few seconds, winding down and returning back to life behind the screen. The rotational forces do a lot to snap me back to the real world, I felt. 

“Chair go brrr.”

In an incident that mirrored this morning, my concentration was interrupted by a loud buzz that filled the room. Seems another notification made its way to my smartphone. With… Much less enthusiasm than I had spinning my chair, I inched my way back to my work desk, pulling the chair closer with my tippy toes, before picking up my phone. Now, where did that notification come from…

< _ New Message from @virtual_mikura  _ _  
_ _ Hi there, Mahiru-senpai. Sorry for messaging out of the blue... _ Read more>

...My heart sank upon reading who the sender was. As long as I was in that comfortable space, surrounded by my fans, I felt safe. As long as I was being showered with love and affection, I felt invincible. My bubbly, happy world quickly broke and shattered into a million pieces, as I felt a sharp pain throb in my chest, as though my heart had just been pricked by a thorn. 

The same bitterness and anguish I felt this morning returned, greater than ever. An indescribable feeling too muddled and complicated to be described in such easy words as ‘hate’ or ‘love’. A feeling I completely detest due to how much it made my heart ache, and how much it made me doubt my comfortable world. A feeling I would rather  _ never feel at all _ . 

_ “Quickly.” _ I thought to myself.  _ “Read and reply to her as soon as possible so I can return to the comfort from earlier.”  _ Steeling my nerves, I opened her message.

< _ Hi there, Mahiru-senpai. Sorry for messaging out of the blue, but I had an idea for us to do a duet cover. I was blown away by your  _ “Before the Night Falls” _ cover after listening to it. I’m surprised a cover of this quality only has 20 thousand views! I thought we could weave magic into words together if we collaborated… Ah, but I might be getting presumptuous. In any case, let me know, okay? _ >

...I hate this.

Not this letter.

  
Not the person who sent it.

I hate how conflicted I feel upon reading this.

My heart felt as though it was being pulled apart in two sides, torn between bitterness and sweetness. Hate and love. No, not that. Beyond that. More than that. Deeper than that. Torn, forced into two extremes at once. I did not want to deal with this. I was happy to be enveloped in comfort and warmth. I would have been happy with wallowing in self-pity and bitterness, but this state of limbo… Of being pulled in two, I couldn’t bear much longer.

Abandoning any thoughts other than ‘Respond to Mikura as soon as possible’, my fingers began to tap away at my phone’s keyboard, almost on auto-pilot. I barely thought about my response, and soon enough my chaotic state of mind sent a garbled, word vomit masquerading as a short cordial message. 

< _ Sure thing. Let’s talk about the details with Mori-san. _ >

I let out an exasperated sigh as I put my phone down onto the work desk once more. For now, that problem was out of sight and out of mind. But I’ll soon have to deal with it again. With her again. With this whirlwind of thoughts again. 

_ All I wanted was to be loved. _

Subconsciously, I pushed myself away from my work desk, burying myself in the comfort of my fur-covered swivelling chair.

_ A sweet life, surrounded by adoring fans and beloved by people all over. _

I put both my legs atop that chair, leaning to the left to shift my body weight over to one side.

_ Anything bitter and unpleasant can wait until later, for now I just want to surround myself in this permeating love. _

I kept on leaning further and further, as the chair started to swivel in place faster and faster.

_ All that bitterness left ignored, left unchecked, had piled up into something truly ugly and monstrous. I wish I realized it sooner. _

The chair spun and spun, the rotational forces once again calming my thoughts. I’m fine. I’m alright. As long as I get to hang on to this little piece of love, this little shard of joy, I’ll be just fine. I’m (not) addicted.

“....Chair go brr.”

\---

Hoshino Mahiru Ch. - 120,953 Subscribers  
-Mikura Channel- - **345,701** **Subscribers**

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Character Sheet-  
> Junko Kudou  
> Female  
> 22 Years Old  
> Average height  
> Below average weight  
> Long, back-length natural brown hair, often tied to a ponytail.  
> Usually wears glasses.  
> A college dropout who dreams of making it big as a V-Tuber. While she achieved success, and is well-respected and beloved among her community, it seems she carries a great deal of bitterness and anguish that she prefers to ignore.
> 
> Hoshino Mahiru  
> Female  
> Over three hundred years old  
> Below average height  
> 'Plutonium-grade' weight  
> Long, flowing white hair that is braided in some of her models.  
> Default costume takes inspiration from fantasy series, noted as being very similar to the appearance of the female main character of a certain gacha open world RPG.  
> The VTuber persona of Junko Kudou. She came up with the initial idea of the character herself, however the finalized design was done with the supervision of V-AGE and a famous artist with hundreds and thousands of followers. The model has received several updates and alternate costumes over the years.


	3. ACT 2: Kaibou Nanashi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day after receiving an initiation to collab with Mikura, Junko got into her fair share of trouble, and reunites with one of the few people she considers a friend.

Behind the Screen - ACT 2: Nanashi Kaibou

Envy.

Jealousy.

When these bitter thoughts swirling in my head are put into words such as those, it became significantly easier to understand, significantly less confusing. The anguish from yesterday, all that bitter unpleasantness, could be easily explained away by two simple words. Yet, these two words would be almost a ‘taboo’ to think of. To be torn between what my heart truly feels, and what I’m allowed and not allowed to feel, no wonder I felt like being split in half.

This morning too, I awoke to news that invoked those bitter feelings of envy.

In the world of content creation, there are numerous metrics by which to gauge success. Subscriber count, view count, like count, viewer-to-subscriber ratio, and so on. Others who dabble in the world of streaming such as I have donations and live viewership as well, but for the most part, the aforementioned counts are the most important for your career. I told myself at the start, that I would be doing this for fun. I would be doing it because I enjoyed it. Because streaming was fun, because singing was joyous.

But along the previous two years, a lot has changed. The world changed. The sphere of V-Tubers had drastically transformed, with numerous companies and individual talent coming and going. It’s no longer a small, niche product anymore. Completely different from when I streamed to a few hundred viewers I felt a close sense of kinship towards. Completely from when I uploaded song covers to a few thousand views. 

Before I realized it… I had changed as well.

As if compelled by a sense of morbid curiosity, to further crystallize the seed of envy implanted in my heart, my fingers typed in Mikura’s channel name into Youtube’s search bar. As if seeking to further validate my envy, I chose to not turn my eyes away. I looked at every result on that search page as I felt my heart sink deeper and deeper with heavy feelings of anger and guilt. 

“I sang ‘Midnight Cinderella’... Five hundred fifty thousand views. Original song ‘Daydreamers’, seven hundred thousand views. Karaoke stream archive, one hundred twenty thousand views.”

The words escaped my mouth in an almost eerie monotone, as though I was reading an eulogy. 

“I sang ‘When the Night Falls’, twenty two thousand views. Original song ‘Stellasatella’, two hundred ten thousand views.”   
  
My own eulogy.

Mikura, real name Chisato Hayami. She was one of the juniors who debuted under V-AGE’s banner approximately one year ago. At the time of her debut, she was only fifteen years old, and had to juggle school responsibilities and her job as a V-Tuber. As a result, she could only livestream once a week, and at very short times at that. Her first few weeks and months were rough, and she was underperforming compared to her peers who debuted at a similar time. However, this child was a prodigy.

At the time, V-AGE had already established itself as one of the biggest companies in the V-Tuber sphere. All our talents had over 50 thousand subscribers, with the biggest one having well over 150 thousand. Thus, whenever a new wave of talents debuted, they were guaranteed a modicum of success just from name association. But from there, it was up to themselves how to grow their viewerbase. Talent, hard work, luck, collaborations, you name it. We all did different things to differentiate ourselves. What Mikura had was talent.

Talent that led to her first original song reach a mind-bending 6 million views. From there, her viewerbase and subscriber count continued to rise, easily eclipsing mine and others. From that moment on, a seed of envy was placed from my heart.

As I sat wallowing in pity, fully immersing myself in jealousy, yet another Twitter message entered my inbox. Picking up my phone, the notification showed that it was from Mikura. Surprisingly, I didn’t feel any further animosity or envy. Instead it was as though my thoughts and feelings were coated in endless white noise that prevented it from feeling anything other than a numb, dull bitterness. 

_ <Good morning, Mahiru-senpai. It seems like Mori-P approved of our collab duet. We can go to the recording studio as soon as we decide what song we want to cover. I’m looking forward to discussing ideas whenever you’re free. I hope we can weave words into magic just-> _

I couldn’t finish the rest of the message. As I felt that agonizing feeling from yesterday well up once more, I gave her a very short, dismissive reply of ‘I’ll let you know’ plastered with emojis so she doesn’t get suspicious of me.

It hurts. It hurt to read her message. I was in such a comfortable state of self-pity. I was wallowing in my own sadness, my envy towards your success, towards your talent. Hate. Love. Once more those two conflicting feelings filled my heart. 

In a desperate bid to calm myself, I kicked my leg against the floor, forcing the chair to spin rapidly. Faster. Faster. I no longer want to feel what I’m feeling right now. This painful, agonizing feeling of being unable to assign my emotions into a digestible binary. It’s so, so bitter. I clutch my legs with my arms as I bury my head between my knees, trying as hard as I could to just stop thinking about it- But I couldn’t.

“Ah-”

Next thing I knew, I felt a sharp pain against the side of my head. The scenery before my eyes was that of my wooden floorboard, and the mess of cables lurking beneath my work desk. My ears were ringing, but I was sure I heard a loud crash just a split second ago. As I pushed my palms against the floor to get myself up, the sharp pain slowly turned into a dull, pulsing ache that was followed by a slight warmth that slowly dripped down my temple, and then my cheek. 

“Huh…” 

I brought my left hand up to the dull aching pain on my head, pressing my palm against it for a few seconds. At this time, I couldn’t register a single thought, as though I was in a daze. The previous bitterness and anguish had all but disappeared, buried under a thick cloud of emptiness. As I brought my palm down to my eyes…

“...”

What greeted me was my fingers and palm dyed in crimson. The warm, dripping sensation down my cheek, and the dull aching pain on my head was blood. Within seconds, the pain disappeared as I rushed towards my wardrobe. Within seconds, I moved with more energy and gusto than I ever had in the last few months. My body and limbs felt so light and limber, but I didn’t have the time to process it all mentally. With adrenaline coursing through my veins, the next few minutes felt like a blur. Changing clothes, picking up my phone, and rushing out the front door all seemed to happen in a blur. 

As I ran down the streets of my neighborhood under the rising sun’s glory, all I could think of was getting help. Yet, subconsciously, under the daze the adrenaline was putting me under, I was happy I didn’t have those intrusive thoughts anymore.

\---

_ <I hope we can weave words into magic just like last year, senpai.> _

\---

“Aaaaand, done. Seriously, falling off your chair wouldn’t have done anything  _ this _ bad. What the hell were you doing, Junko-chan?”

“Ahh, well… This and that… I told you, I just fell off my chair!”

I sheepishly ran my hand across the back of my head while the last few stitches were applied to the gashing wound on the side of my head. 

“Sure you did…” The woman treating me sighed, as she took off the surgical mask and cap to reveal her long, flowing blonde locks. Despite still being dressed in her home clothes, she was more than skilled enough to disinfect and stitch up my wound in her home clinic.

The blonde was Manami Anjou, or, better known for her V-Tuber alias of Nanashi Kaibou. She was one of the girls who debuted under V-AGE alongside me, as well as one of my closest friends under the label. A slight few years older than me, but we managed to get along well due to the both of us having been from the countryside. 

“I’m so sorry for keeping you busy this early in the morning!” I pressed my palms together and bowed to her, as though I was praying to a god. Well, to me, her expertise and talent might as well have made her a goddess in my eyes.

“C’mon now, it’s no biggie. I’m just a little sad you’re not taking care of yourself.” Her confident and naturally caring personality stood in stark contrast to mine. With just a few choice words and a slight pat on the (unwounded) side of my head, she brought a sense of calmness and comfort back to my world.

Manami was a little unique in the V-Tuber world. Currently, she is on break from activities due to focusing on her residency in one of Tokyo’s biggest private hospitals.

That’s right, she is a trained, qualified doctor, with goals of becoming a surgeon. She had been doing V-Tuber activities while going through the finishing stages of her postgraduate education in med school. She did not belong among the other four, who were mostly college flunkies barely attending classes. However, she proved herself just as capable as the rest of us. Having made health and medicine-related informational videos under her real identity for a while, she was no stranger to the world of content creation. Soon, the Nanashi Kaibou channel grew to have a very dedicated viewer base, having set herself apart from her competition with unique knowledge and video topics. Being a ‘nerd’ with a healthy interest in science myself, I found myself collabing a lot with her back in those days, and soon enough we grew to be close friends.

“Fweh… I’m alright, really. Maybe just a little light-headed.”

...Her patting was scarily comfortable.

“Have you been eating well? I remember telling you off for living on a diet of reheated meals and beer-”

“I-I learned to cook recently! So it’s fine…”

“Hmm, so it could be work-related stress.”

“Eh-”

My eyes blinked open as my expression turned from that of bliss to shock. I didn’t realize it consciously, but I reacted immediately the moment she said work-related.

“Bingo. Y’know, if work’s stressing you out, you gotta to take a break for a bit.” 

The older girl karate chopped my head playfully. I could only laugh sheepishly in response, feeling a little too awkward to say anything back. But, this was good. Being with Manami was comforting. I was back in that nice little world, as if I was surrounded by the love from my fans. I felt a similar kind of love from her, not quite adoration, not quite devotion, but that same validation in knowing that  _ someone _ cares for my existence. A nice little world free from that bitter taste.

“...I can’t take a break, you know.”

“Hmm? Why’s that?”

“I mean, being a V-Tuber is my full time job and all.”

Unlike her, I didn’t have another profession to focus on. If I didn’t do this, I didn’t have anything else.

“A few days off never hurt anyone. In fact, your fans are gonna be looking forward to your return-”

_ Blah blah blah _ .

I tuned out the rest of what she said. Deep down, I knew she was right. But I didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t want to be told off for what I’m doing. I didn’t want to hear anything that would disrupt this nice little world my head is in. No more of that bitterness.

“-good for your mental health. Hey, you’re not even listening, are you?!”

“Wah- I-I was listening! Definitely!”

I was getting better at acting, I noticed. Perhaps because being a V-Tuber is essentially acting in and of itself, even if you are only acting out an exaggerated version of yourself. I shook my head repeatedly while pumping both my hands up and down, much to Manami’s befuddlement.

“You’re acting like Mahiru even in real life… Alright, I’ve decided!”

All of a sudden, the good doctor stood up, and walked over to the window of her home clinic, pulling the curtain open in one swift movement. The sun had reached its zenith, casting its bright light upon every corner of the room.

“So bright!-” I yelled out. Turns out being cooped up in a room all day with all the curtains closed makes you forget about how bright the sun was.

“You need a day off.”

“But I haven’t made my daily uploa-”

“No buts, c’mon. You’re coming with me. Heck, you’ve already gotten dressed and everything!”

Her right hand gripped around my wrist as she yanked me off the chair and onto my feet, stumbling a few steps forward only to be caught in her arms. 

“You’ll get a story to tell your viewers later and I’ll even treat you to lunch, so it won’t be all bad, Ms. NEET. Just think of it as your doctor prescribing you a day off, alright?”

...I can’t win against her. All I could do in response to those words were a meek nod as she stood me back up. I wanted to go back and immerse myself in that sweetness, but for now, I’ll go along with her. Plus, it was still comforting to be by her side.

…Yeah, it won’t be too bad.

“Wait in the living room while I get changed, alright?”

“...Mm-hm.”

I didn’t think about it at the time. But there was a reason I remained close to Manami while I drifted apart from everyone else. We were still acquaintances, but Manami in particular always remained sweet in my mind, and I never had a hint of envy while with her. There were other juniors and acquaintances I was once close with, but slowly drifted apart. Slowly changing that label from 'close friends', to 'friends', to 'acquaintances'.

Manami’s upload schedule was irregular. Her content was usually long videos about complex topics with little of that spontaneous, quirky comedy that people come to know and expect from V-Tubers. She rarely streams and barely ever does song covers.

There was a reason I never grew any resentment towards her.

\---

Hoshino Mahiru Ch. - 121,002 Subscribers   
-Mikura Channel- - 346,832 Subscribers

解剖ななし -Kaibou Nanashi- -  **100,395 Subscribers**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Character Sheet-  
> Manami Anjou  
> 26 Years old  
> Above average height  
> Shapely, curvy body with an adult's charm  
> Long blonde hair, often tied to a bun  
> An aspiring surgeon currently completing her residency. She made her V-Tuber debut while completing her postgraduate degree. With her confident, charming personality, she established herself as the 'big sister' of V-AGE's original five. 
> 
> Nanashi Kaibou  
> ??? Years old  
> Above average height  
> Variable weight  
> Multicolored, patchwork hair of various strands of blonde, white and black  
> Her costume is a uniquely cute mismatch of a frilly, Victorian-era blouse underneath a tattered doctor's lab coat.   
> Manami's V-Tuber persona. Her design cue was that of a zombie doctor, who would dissect herself to teach others about medicine. While originally a hard sell for the V-AGE staff, she made it work.

**Author's Note:**

> Greetings, this is Campanella. Thank you very much for reading "Behind the Screen." 
> 
> It has been a long time since I last wrote, as I found myself unable to let words flow onto my keyboard for one reason or another. I would be most happy if you still remember me from our previous encounter.
> 
> This work is a story based lightly on my own experience dabbling as a content creator with a VTuber rig, however it borrows heavily from writings and woes of other content creators I have had the privilege of knowing. The experiences of Junko Kudou who act the part of Mahiru Hoshino is in no way representative of how every VTuber, and is part of the reason I chose to go with an all-original cast as opposed to borrowing known VTubers.
> 
> I wanted to express the conflicts and struggles associated with being a content creator, as well as the ups and downs. In this world where the division between the real and the virtual is ever blurred, is it such a sin to become addicted to the joys of the virtual? That is the question I wish for all of you to think about as you read this story. 
> 
> I like to write pure stories.  
> Our definitions of pure might be different.  
> Let's make our worlds align through words.


End file.
